Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Letting Go

This is another non-hair blog post. I had a really good conversation with an older friend of mine today. We were talking about bitterness and revenge, and whether it is as 'sweet' as that old phrase claims. He shared some funny stories and a lot of wisdom. One thing that he said was "When we hurt someone because they've hurt us, we're allowing them to make us change into a person we don't actually want to be." Another conversation with one of my other good friends was funnily enough along the same topic. In her case, she had fired some slightly ego-damaging words (and apologised), but the offended party responded with the nice old facebook/ twitter/ life deletion.

I'm sure that we've all been in situations where someone has hurt us, and we feel that the only thing we want to do is send epic sarcastic and witty emails (I'm now revealing my own preferred fantasy revenge methods), that make the person feel about the size of a pea. I can safely say that I've not being in a situation yet where I've acted on my fantasy (let's pray that never happens), but I understand the desire to do so. Our ego doesn't usually respond very well to being knocked, our feelings don't like being hurt, and our pride is generally averse to being wounded.

Taking the moral high ground is a lot harder than it looks. It often takes a lot of prayer, a battle with yourself, and a phonecall to a good friend who tells you that no, Jesus does not condone sarky text messages or evil glares. It's a day by day process where, as we become more comfortable with ourselves and our Creator, we let go of the pride, self righteousness and bitterness that makes us feel that anyone 'deserves' our anger or harsh words. We begin to see people who have hurt us as people that have a plan and purpose on this earth just a much as we have. We begin to see that all of us have the capacity to hurt others, just by virtue of the fact that we're human and fallible. We begin to see that the pain others inflict on us often results from their own problems or is simply an unavoidable part of human relationships. Sometime when people hurt us, they've actually done nothing wrong, but nontheless, it still hurts.

As we realise this, our response to hurt (hopefully) gets better each time we experience it. Yes, the pain is still there. But we understand that the desire to heal our own wounds by inflicting wounds on others is an unhealthy one, as well as one, that, if realised will probably result in more pain for everyone involved.

This quote from Jane Eyre sums up the struggle between what we often feel, and what we KNOW to be right. The moments when we want to say an angry word or lash out

"Laws and principles are not for times when there is no temptation; they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth-so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane-quite insane, with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs."

Ephesians 4:31 
Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

Easier said than done right? Let's get there together :-) 

Peace, Love and Hair grease xx

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