When God is late.

"When the people realized that Moses was taking forever in coming down off the mountain, they rallied around Aaron and said, “Do something. Make gods for us who will lead us. That Moses, the man who got us out of Egypt—who knows what’s happened to him?” So Aaron told them, “Take off the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters and bring them to me.” They all did it; they removed the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. He took the gold from their hands and cast it in the form of a calf, shaping it with an engraving tool.The people responded with enthusiasm: “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up from Egypt!”

Exodus 32:1-5 (The Message)

Time management is not my forte. I see watches as fashion accessories primarily, with their time keeping function as a nice afterthought. The clocks on my phone and my Mac are both set 17 minutes fast. I know this because I wait 17 minutes, and then leave my house, subsequently arriving at least 5 minutes late for lectures, meetings and any other potentially important events in my life. (Hint: setting a clock fast to make sure you're on time doesn't work if you just adjust your schedule to the actual time because you know the clock is fast).

Peversely, I am impatient and I hate waiting. Not so much for other humans, (of course not, that would be too hypocritical :-)), but definitely for God.

Example: It's a rainy Monday morning, I've arrived 5 minutes late (as usual), and missed my bus because I decided that 5 minutes extra sleep was clearly more important than getting to the hospital clinic on time. Cue prayer: 'Dear Jesus, sorry I'm late again, please send a bus soon so that I don't get into trouble, I promise to be on time tomorrow, I wasn't out late last night drinking/fornicating/insert typical university sin of choice.. I was just tired...therefore, please be merciful'.  I wait for 2 minutes. I tap my feet. I look at the bus timetable (which clearly states that had I been here 7 minutes before, I would be on a bus.) Honestly, what is taking God so long?  I look up at the sky incredulously. 'Erm God..I prayed for a bus?'

So perhaps a bit of ridiculous example, but you get my point. I pretty much expect instant answers to my prayers. I want what I want, exactly how I want, and at exactly the right time. Because God is supernatural, right? He's outside of time, right? So why should I wait?

Let's look at a more serious example that's probably closer to home. You're getting to THAT age.  You know, THAT age. The age where your friends are starting to ask you to be a bridesmaid/groomsman. The age where every few weeks facebook announces that 'Jimbob and Bonquisha are engaged' . The age where the more senior members at church are starting to ask you if you have a 'special friend', and reassure you that you are on their prayer list.

Cue Jamal. Jamal is tall,dark, handsome, funny, edgy (whatever that means), and attends your local  church. What could possibly be wrong? One thing.

The fact that God has not chosen him for you. I repeat. The fact that God has NOT chosen HIM for YOU. You don't care though. You're fed up of waiting. God is clearly taking his time, so you are determined to make this thing work. This situation is fairly common. Unfortunately, too many people realise the mistake they've made after it's too late to back out. It's sadly probably one of the reasons recent Barna group surveys show that the Christians and non-Christians have near equal divorce rates.

The point of this isn't marriage or relationships though. This applies to any area of your life where you choose to create a God for yourself - something that you are willing to put in place of God's will in your life, because you cannot trust that God is fulfilling all your needs in his time. Maybe it's a job that requires you to work on Sabbath instead of waiting on God to supply your financial needs. Maybe it's a group of friends that are a negative influence on you spiritually, but you aren't prepared to adjust relationships because you're scared of being lonely. Maybe it's a 'more than friend' relationship that you are using to supply your need for intimacy instead of allowing God to control that area of your life. I don't know what/who your gods are, but I definitely know what mine are. 

I do know though, that when God saw the children of Israel making a subsitute god out of a comparably worthless piece metal because they were fed up of waiting, he wasn't only angry, he was deeply upset. He felt betrayed. He felt hurt. In fact, while they were making other gods, he was painstakingly working on their behalf to provide them with direction though his law, and to reassure them that he was the same God who had brought them out of Egypt. They just couldn't wait.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil,to give you a future and a hope."~ Jeremiah 29:11

God has so many beautiful plans for our lives, better plans than we could hope for ourselves. I know for myself, there are many times I have stepped away from the path God has planned for me because I thought there was something else that could fill me. I just wasn't convinced God's way was best or that he was getting the timing right, so I decided to make some slight modifications. I'm learning (finally) that unbelieveably, God cares about me more than I care about myself.

I cannot claim that you will understand everything this side of heaven. I cannot reassure you that God's plans will not at times feel painful. In the wilderness God seemed to the Israelites late, absent, or even indifferent, but the same God that led them out of Egypt, and through the desert, also led them to the promised land. I think that's a promise that we can hold on to as well.

Blessings homeslices x

Yarn Braids 101

Yarn Braids are super popular at the moment. They are a great alternative to braiding with synthetic hair, and they are super light and really natural looking. I've done them a couple of times before, and they're becoming one of my go to protective styles simply because the lightness of the yarn means less stress is places on my hair, and the texture means that I can get away with faking dreadlocks, not to mention, a ball of yarn can cost as little as £1, so it's a win in situation.

They are really simple to do, just cut the yarn to your desired length and braid in a similar way you would to box braids.

Key tips:

• Don't braid too tight
• Use only acrylic yarn NOT wool
• Once they're in, moisturise daily with a conditioning spray that has water, glycerin, conditioner etc in it.
• Make sure you moisturise the whole length of your hair.

Here are some pic of my latest set:

 (Excuse my lack of groom-ed-ness, it was late)

Peace, love and (non-petroleum) hair grease lovelies! x

How to Henna/Indigo Natural Hair

Sorry for the hiatus guys! I'm back with some tips :-)

Henna is a natural herb that is great for providing strength, colour and thickness to natural hair. 

I just finished henna'ing my hair, and I can already feel that my hair is stronger and thicker, so I thought I'd share how I did it.

You will need:

1) 50 grams Indigo (Black Henna)

2) 50 grams Henna (this is the brand I used)

3) Half a pot of Greek Yoghurt (plain)

4)A capful of Apple Cider Vinegar (or any other vinegar, or lemon juice)

5)A tablespoon of honey

6)200 ml of green tea/ water

7)A plastic fork

8)A plastic container

Method:

1. Tip the indigo and henna into the container
2. Add the half pot of yoghurt
3. Add the capful of vinegar
4. Stir vigorously until a thick paste is made
5. Add the green tea or water gradually to ensure the mixture doesn't get too runny
6. Add the honey

It should end up looking something like this:

(I got this image from google images via fotki.com)

Leave overnight/ for four hours for the dye to release

Wash and condition your hair.

Part your hair into four or more section, and apply the henna paste (use gloves if possible!). You don't need to comb it through, brush it through or anything. It should be too thick to do that anyway.

Cover your hair with a plastic bag/cap.

Leave in for 3 hours or so, less if you want less dye release.

RINSE, RINSE, RINSE, RINSE!

Deep condition after as henna can be drying. (With a protein free condish)

You might want to put some shea butter around your hair line to prevent the dye from staining your forehead :-)

Hope this was helpful.

Peace, Love and Hair Grease my lovelies! xx

Beauty

Clara Aker Benjamin. I just love this photo :-)

"Is that all YOOOUURR hair?????"

If you’re black, female and alive on this planet, you’ve been asked this question at least once. “Is that yooouuurrr hair?”. You’ve probably been asked this question by (in order of frequency) :

1)other black women, 

2)black men 

3)your non-black friends.

For some reason, this question has always bothered me. Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m a hypocrite. I’ve definitely asked this question several times before, and I’ll probably continue to do so, but it doesn’t stop the slight annoyance every time someone asks ME.

I recently went out on a limb, did something slightly out of character, and bought an afro wig. (see last month’s solitary post.. (sorry guys :-(). About 2 weeks ago, I attended a fairly large church event and kept getting compliments from other people on my hair. (Or not my hair, as the case may be). Each time, I would smile, say thank you, and whisper surreptitiously “It’s not mine..”. After a couple of rounds of this, one of my close friends berated me…”Shade, stop telling people it’s not yours...it looks so real no one would ever guess, and you bought it, so it’s yours!”. She might be right, and I thought about why it was I felt so compelled to tell people it wasn’t my hair.

I think a small part of me just feels slightly, well….deceitful..It’s almost like hair is something that you put work into, and cultivate, and GROW, and so when people compliment you, they’re not complimenting only the hair, but also the trouble you’ve taken to get it to look fly..So, when all I’ve done is popped a wig on, it feels slightly strange to accept a compliment for that. Plus, I feel like it’s easier to offer what you know the person is already looking for. I know you want to know if it’s real or not, so to prevent the awkwardness of the question, I’lll just offer the info instead.

Forgetting that though, when I’m wearing my real hair, I’ve begun to feel increasingly more irritated by that question. Like, is it really your business if it is or isn’t? What difference does it make to you? Especially when the question is followed by ‘where are you from?’..as if to say ‘what non-African blood do you have in you to get your hair that way?’. Those are the times when I wish I was 100% pure blooded (if there’s any such thing) West African, just so I can crush that silly idea that it’s easier to have ‘good’ hair if you’re more mixed.

And don’t get me started on when the question is accompanied by an unsolicited petting of the hair. *rolls eyes*

I guess I would just prefer if people asked ‘how did you get your hair like that?’ instead of ‘is it REEEAAALL??’. There’s something a little less abrupt, less confrontational and less….well...nosey…

What do y’all think?

Peace, Love and Hair Grease xx

Friends with benefits

There was film out fairly recently called 'Friends with Benefits'. I haven't seen it, but the plot (from my Wikipedia search) is fairly predictable. Guy, girl. Don't want a relationship. Want sex. Add sex to friendship. Realise this is complicated/not-doable.  I didn't bother to read to the end.

It happens a lot nowadays, apparently. It's definitely not my cup of tea, and I don't think I would recommend it to any of my friends. I want something more lasting than that, something more meaningful, and definitely something with a lot more commitment and stability. Deep down, I think that's what most of us are looking for from our relationships and friendships. Commitment, stability, loyalty, fulfillment, love. We expect it from others, we're disappointed when they let us down and don't fulfil that and unfortunately, we sometimes let them down as well.

When I began to think about the idea of 'friends with benefits', i realised that it wasn't just about sex per se. It's the idea of having something that should be the reward of commitment and loyalty  without having to put in the effort that those two things require.

How many of us treat our relationship with God that way?  We want the benefits that come from being a Christian. We want to claim the promises. More specifically, we want God to bless us with temporal things that we see as most important -a job, a spouse, good grades, friendships, happiness, but we don't want to make the commitment of a 'marriage' to him.

Marriages take time, work, effort. They involve communicating with the other person, considering them in your actions, because you realise that you can't just live for yourself anymore. They involve going through tough times together, crying, struggling, and working through issues. They sometimes involve pain.

Then there are the good bits - laughter, love, fulfilment - the feeling of partnership that means that you know that you're part of an inseparable team that can take on anything that's thrown at it. Building together, growing together, creating memories and looking back on times you've shared.

The crux of the matter is, no good marriage only has good times. But friends with benefits can't provide the same fulfillment as a marriage. 

God has a special place in his heart for each of us. He doesn't want to be a friend that gets called once in a while for when we want something. He wants a proper relationship with us.

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. Songs of Solomon 8:7

Love is so much stronger, bigger and better than a fleeting friendship. I'm praying that God helps me experience a real relationship with him.

Blessings x

Review: La Jay Wig, Vanessa

SO I got this wig. which is crazy because I dont wear wigs. However, it looks very natural and rather amazing if I do say so myself, so I'm gam. Here is a picture.

It was from www.wigsnweaves.co.uk.
When I first got it it was long and veeerrry curly, so I trimmed it and also finger combed it to make it more afro-y and frizzy and generally more natural looking.

I get a bunch of compliments on it (not that I live for those), and most people can't tell it's not my real hair. Even other black women, which surely is a good sign.

Pros:

• Good protective style
• Fairly cheap
• Natural looking
• Not human hair (the idea of human hair grosses me a little)
• Easy to use

Cons:

• Seems to be getting tangled at the back near my collar.
• It is called 'LaJay'.

I give it a 4.5/5.

 I knock half a point off because i know I'm going to have to repurchase it when it gets tatty, as it isn't the most high quality wig in the world, but that's to be expected. Also it gets point knock offs for being called LaJay. (No offence to anyone called LaJay. Well, you're already offended by now. Anyhoo). Why not call her Kemi? Or even a cliched Nefertiti or something? But LaJay? Really?

I'll be doing part 2 of natural relaxers soon, so watch this space x